A Rough End to 2010...

I haven't posted in a couple months. As many of you know, we have had a rough November and December. Not just Paul, Ava, and I, but all of our extended families have gone through the roughest time we've ever been through. It's weird because when you hear about something tragic that happens, you always think it will happen to another person or another family. When it hits close to home...it's surreal. It feels like there is no way it could have ever happened.
This fall both Paul and I lost our maternal grandfathers at 89 years old and then we lost our newphew, Thomas (3 months old) only 3 weeks ago.
I have never experienced the loss of a child and have never known anyone very well who has experienced that loss. To experience this terrible loss has been devastating to our family. It feels like something is missing every time we are all together. James is the twin who is doing very well and growing, smiling, and giggling now. It's hard not to think about his brother when I hold him or am around him and watch him. I feel a deep pang of sadness. I know that time will make things a little less painful, but it will take a while for all of us to feel that. I feel sadness for my brother and sister in law who experience this deep grieve on a level I will never understand. All I can say to them is that I love them and am praying for them. I have watched and admired their faith, and I have been blessed by it. I have learned to not let the small things stress me out lately. I'm just thankful for my family. I am thankful daily for Ava, even when she wears me out. I am extremely thankful that Alexandria has been growing well and is safe and cozy in my womb for another 3 weeks. God is good, and has provided and protected for us. We are continuing to trust Him, even when it's not easy. I will never understand how this tragic experience has happened to us, but it's not my place to understand it. I am just trying daily to be thankful for God's many blessings on our family.