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GRACE and FAITH

2012-01-10T17:41:00.000-08:00

Lexi will be one in 2 weeks and it's got me thinking a lot about my girls and motherhood.

I remember thinking about "Christian names" when I was pregnant with Ava. I loved certain names, but the word "Grace" kept coming to my mind. I was pregnant with Ava when I was 25 and had learned what grace was really all about. I would say from 20-25 years old, I did a lot of personal growth, so when I got pregnant God really taught me about His Grace. I learned during those years that I'm not perfect and I don't know everything. That was really hard for me to learn. I had to give up a lot of control. I thought I had all the answers and could do things "my way," but I learned that there is a lot I had to let go. I remember loving the name "Grace" but deciding I would like it better as a middle name. Paul didn't like the name Ava that much, but one day on the way to church, I threw out the name "Ava Grace" and he loved it. Now, I have officially heard of twelve other Ava Graces. Which is crazy, but it is a name that means so much to me now, I wouldn't change it for anything.

When we got pregnant with Alexandria, or "Lexi", we were in complete shock. By shock I mean, I cried for a week and didn't even tell Paul. I thought I couldn't handle it. I thought, "Why would God let this happen when HE knows I'm not ready!" I emotionally was dealing with a lot still with my family and my parents' divorce. I thought, "How can I bring another person into this craziness?" But God really taught me faith during my pregnancy with Lexi. I learned that He was in charge and that it was ridiculous of me to think that I had any control. We also really prayed it was a boy so that our family could feel "complete" so to speak. When we found out it was another girl, we were speechless, but God tested our faith. He reminded us that He was in charge.

I had many names I wanted to name the new baby girl, but Paul couldn't talk about names for about month. It killed me not to have control of the name, but I was patient and finally Paul decided on one name he liked, Alexandria. I liked it, but it didn't fit my rule of a 2 syllable, easy to spell name. Oh well, I let it go. I knew we'd call her something else anyway.=)

So, we had Alexandria picked out but needed a middle name. I knew immediately that "Faith" would be a perfect middle name for this sweet surprise that God blessed us with. So, Alexandria Faith blessed our lives last January and has changed our lives forever.

We thought having a boy would make our family feel "complete" but we feel very complete with our girls. I am daily getting use to the fact that we have a family of 4. It feels surreal, but we are both (Paul and I) excited to start this journey as a family. We have been through a lot of transitions in our 8 1/2 years of marriage but we are ready to settle down now and raise this family.

I have had to take care of the girls a lot lately because of Paul's work, and tonight I took the girls to Blue Coast Burrito and Menchie's (frozen yogurt!). While we were sitting there and I was trying to feed both girls (and eat too), I was reminded of their middle names. I prayed right then for God to give me grace and faith during the times when I feel like I can't handle things (which is a lot lately). I was just touched looking at both of them and realized that God has really taken care of us and will for a long time.

I'm not perfect and would say that most days I don't have the faith I need, but I always pray that God gives me grace when I struggle to trust Him. I've been struggling a lot lately with "strongholds" in my life and things that have prevented me from healing from past pain. I prayed on Sunday at church that God would speak to me. I think He used my girls to speak to me tonight. It's funny how God speaks in unexpected ways, but I'm thankful for it. I am thankful to have the family I have, a family God has blessed me with.

I have been processing a lot lately and just needed to get it out.

My life is a movie...

2011-12-18T17:14:00.000-08:00

Some days I feel like I'm watching my life from above as if it's someone else's life. The events that happen when one has 2 small children (or more) are so unpredictable!

Yesterday I realized that I suck because I haven't taken Ava to see Santa this year. I can't believe it's the week of Christmas and I'm just now realizing that she hasn't gotten to sit on Santa's lap. It's just been crazy, as life always is...so that brings me to today. I was determined that we would see Santa today! I decided that we would go after church straight to the ghetto, I mean Hickory Hollow Mall. This is the mall I grew up going to, had my first job at, and feels like home. I feel warm and fuzzy inside this mall...I know that sounds hilarious, but it's true. I decided we would do Hickory Hollow because it's dead. Now, I knew it would not have a lot of people, but on the Sunday before Christmas, I thought there would be a lot more people there than there were. We got to Santa and he was gone until a certain time, so we decided to hit up the Food Court. Well, the Food Court is pretty sad at HH now. WHAT the heck?! No places are open there now except a Greek, Mexican, and Chinese restaurant. So, Ava chose tacos, of course.

Ava and I went to order tacos while Paul and Lexi went to sit and wait for us. Remember, Ava and Lexi are both dressed up to see Santa in their cute Christmas outfits!

So, Ava and I walk back to the table and Lexi starts throwing up buckets! All over Paul and all over herself.

I ran to the Mexican restaurant to get napkins, and I said, "My daughter just threw up and I need some napkins." The guy seriously gave me THREE! I said, "Could I have some more, please?" He still only gave me around 4 more. Oh well...

So I ran back and started cleaning Lexi up and Paul up. It was hiliarious...I mean, you either laugh or cry in situations like this, right?!!! So we got Lexi completely undressed down to her diapers. Ava said, "Lexi can't go see Santa naked!" I said, "You're right!" So, Ava and I went to go get Lexi a new outfit at Sears...yes, Sears is still open at the mall!

We changed Lexi into the new outfit, and we went down stairs to see Santa. We had 2 families in front of us in line, which was so nice, and Ava was thrilled when we saw Santa! Poor Lexi was asleep and we forced her to wake up for the picture. She looks exhausted and pale in the picture. It's sad what we force our kids to do! ha!

When Ava got to talk to Santa, she told him she wanted a scooter with 3 wheels, makeup, a kids camera, and twinkle toes. She was very serious about the scooter "with 3 wheels". She loved seeing Santa, it was very sweet.

When we were leaving, Ava said, "I love this day! It was fantastic!" I'm glad we made a special memory for her although it was crazy for me and Paul. I looked at Paul when we got in the car and said, "Well, that was eventful...let's get home."

This is the "joy" of the holidays, right?!

a need to reflect

2011-12-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to write a post for such a long time and wasn't sure what to write. From Feb. until around mid-July, I was extremely depressed. I went through some post-partum depression and was so uncomfortable talking about it. I didn't understand it myself. Lexi didn't sleep well, and I don't do well on no sleep. I require at least 9 hours. I've always been called a grandma for going to bed around 8-9 pm, but I don't care. Well, with Lexi...2-3 hours was the only amount of sleep I was getting! So long story-short...I went back to work in April and May and literally fainted in front of my students because of sleep deprevation and stress. I got through it...some how...just survival mode. I lived every day by just waking up, breathing, and surviving. People would ask, "How are you?" and I would simply say, "I'm surviving." I have many explainations for this stress and depression, but it would take too long to write. Let's just say...I've been through my own personal hell on many different levels in the past 4 years. None of which have to do with my girls, because they have been the happiest/most joyful part of my life! Family issues with my parents combined with some unexpected deaths has changed the make-up of who I am.

I have struggled so many days with being "happy". I have thought many times about what that means...to feel happy. I know that joy comes only from Christ and his great LOVE for us, but finding happiness has been tough for me. I am a Christian and have always considered myself "faith-filled". But honestly, I have struggled for 4 years with my faith. I can't understand why things that are so horrible happen to people. I know it's not God, but it's so hard to wrap my head around.

Paul and I took a trip for my 30th birthday in Oct. to Mexico. I literally cried my eyes out when we got into our room. It was like, all the stress and depression was something I was ready to release somewhere in Mexico. I wouldn't say it just disappeared, but the peace and calmness I felt in paradise left me feeling "lighter" on many levels!

I struggle during this season of Christ's birth to feel happiness. My life doesn't look the way I expected it to. It never will look like I expected it to again, but that's something I must accept and allow to happen because I have no control over that. I feel anxious about holidays and expecially Christmas. My focus for 4 years has been on Ava, and now this is Lexi's first Christmas. Now, the focus will be on seeing joy in my children's faces and knowing that God creates that joy! Not from presents, but from love. I just want to pour out love to my children and husband and find "happiness" in that.

I think we all struggle with many enternal issues that are deep and core issues. My goal now is to not try and figure things out anymore, but to just accept the way things are.

I'm going to continue to try and accept and love life for what it is. God is constantly opening my eyes to the blessings around me. My prayer is that he continues to reveal His blessings to me and my family.

Ava-isms

2011-02-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

Ava is changing everyday! Her vocabulary is incredible, and she is always saying something that makes me smirk or laugh! Here are a few things that she has done or said lately that I feel like I need to document...

A few days ago, Paul was changing Lexi in the morning before Ava was going to school, Lexi was screaming and Ava said, "Uh-oh, Uh-oh...Daddy, I'll go get Mommy!" Paul then said not to get me because Lexi just cries with diaper changes. It was so cute though that she felt like he needed my help.
Same day, Ava said, "You can take me to school, Mommy, because you can walk now!" (I couldn't walk in the hospital the first day and that was very strange to her!
One night we were watching Clifford, her favorite, and she started biting her big toe, not the nail, just the toe. We told her it was gross and not to do it, but she kept on. On Clifford, Emily Elizabeth, the girl, said "That was a great story, Clifford!" and Ava then said, "That was a great biting, Ava." So silly...
Last night we went to my sister-in-laws to watch the Super Bowl, and it was the first time that Ava and Lexi were in the car together. Ava said, "Why is my baby in this car?"

It's definitely a novelty to Ava to have a baby. She's very sweet about Lexi and very, very helpful. We have tried to include Ava as much as possible, which I think has helped!

Nickname Change, sleepless nights, and doctor appointment

2011-02-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

So, there is NO big story to why we changed from calling Alexandria "Alex" to "Lexi". But here is how we decided...

First off, if anyone knows about us and finding a name for a girl, you know it was a difficult experience! I had a list of 30 names for Paul to look at, and he had a difficult time liking any of them. He actually was having a difficult time accepting that it was a girl and not a boy. We had pretty much decided this baby would be our last, so when we found out it was a girl, we were both in shock. We just KNEW it was a boy, but God had a different plan for us, a better one!

Paul finally decided on a name he would be ok with, Alexandria. That name had one big problem for me...it didn't meet my "2-syllable rule" for names. I like 2-syllable names. So, we talked about nicknames. I loved Lexi or Allie, he liked Alex. I decided that since we weren't having a boy and that I named Ava Grace, he could have this name. So, we went for Alex.

Once we had her, we kept calling her "Ava" because she looks just like Ava and because of the "A" names. My mom kept saying how cute "Lexi" would be and easier for us to say. I didn't think Paul would go for it, but he decided that, yes, it was hard to not call her Ava. We just thought it would be easier. We've had great feed-back. I like it because it's more girlie, so it's now "Lexi". She's still Alexandria Faith, but we will call her Lexi!=)

We have had some sleepless nights...one night, Lexi screamed for 4-5 hours straight because she needed a good burp. How can a baby cry that long?! It was the worst night of my life (other than Ava's first night home!). We had my mom helping us and then we called Paul's mom to help us. Paul had to go to work the next day, so it was hard for him. That was only one night and hopefully won't happen again. She was not able to be soothed at all that night.

Now she is sleeping 2-3 hours after she eats, but when she wakes up after an hour or so, she is easy to console and calm down. No screaming nights again!! (I hope!) My nights are not normal, of course, but at least she hasn't screamed in two nights.

Today, Lexi had her first appt. with the dr. It was great! My mother in law took us since I can't drive or carry the car seat. Lexi has gained 5 oz. since leaving the hospital, she is now 7 lbs. 6 oz. The dr. was impressed with her weight gain! I nursed Ava for a year and plan to do the same with Lexi. Lexi is a great nursing baby. I am more confident this time, so it makes it easier. I have had some normal "bumps in the road" with nursing, but all in all, we are in a good place. Obviously she's doing well, because she's gaining weight really well! The doctor gave me great advice in a few areas I was concerned over, and I feel much more confident about how Lexi is doing.

She is a sweet baby! I had NO idea I could love my second daughter this much, but I do! Here are my precious girls! Ava loves holding her sister and simply adores "her baby" as she calls Lexi!

A surprise beginning!

2011-01-24T06:15:00.000-08:00

So, many of you know I had a planned C-section time of 8 a.m. on Wednesday morning. The plan was to get up at 4:45 am and be at the hospital by 6 am. We were worried about the snow being an issue, so we planned to leave early!

Well, around 1 am, I started feeling contractions. I thought they were just uncomfortable and not extremely painful. I had these off and on for an hour. I tried to sleep, but just couldn't get comfortable. At 2 am, I felt like I was sweaty. Now, let me say...I sweat a lot at night, so this wouldn't have been abnormal. I got up to go to the bathroom because I was so hot and started to feel dripping down my legs. It was weird. I thought, "there's no way that's my water breaking!" But, it was...I got Paul up and told him, called Dr. K to see what she thought. She said to go ahead and get to the hospital. On the way, my contractions got worse and more consistant. Now, with Ava I never felt contractions, so feeling them was not fun! I wanted drugs!!! We got to the hospital, the nursing staff checked my contractions, then called my Dr. to come in. Dr. K came in, talked to me about the surgery, and then we got started. I was so nervous about this surgery. Last time with Ava, I labored for 12 hrs., then had a c section. I was so ready to get Ava out that I didn't have time to think about surgery. Well, I was anxious, but Dr. K was so great. The surgery went well, and Alexandria came out great! She had to actually be suctioned out, though because of my pelvic bone. (which is why I had to have a c sec with both) She came out and screamed and cried so loudly! I was so proud of her strong lungs!

When she was out and screaming, I was crying so much. I had so many emotions running through. I first felt incredibly blessed! I thought, "God, you are SO good to us!" I thought about how God's plan is always perfect. I didn't want to be pregnant this time around, but when she came out, I loved her so much, that there was no question that God had a better plan than we did. I thought about how many babies we know that have not been healthy and how truly it was a miracle for Alex to be so healthy. While they were finishing sewing me up, I layed there thinking about my life the past 3 1/2 years with Ava. I have been through the hardest time in my life for 3 years because of my parents splitting up after 35 years. I layed there thinking that this daughter's first 3 years will not be surrounded my her mommy's sadness and anxiety. That she would have a happier mommy, and I felt full of joy thinking about that. What a blessing she is!

So, everything is going so well. Alexandria Faith is precious. She is just beautiful and sweet. She is nursing so well, and now that my milk has come in, she is doing well even on that. I am thankful for my milk coming in during my stay at the hospital so I could have help! With Ava, my milk came in at home and it was horrible!!! I didn't know what to do and felt miserable! BUT-Alex is doing so well! I am SOOO less stressed with the 2nd one...I feel like things have gone smoothly, and I feel totally overwhelmed and blessed. I have cried so much from feeling blessed! (of course, my hormones are out of whack!)

Big Sister, Ava, loves Alexandria!

[ps-This is what is on the door at the hospital! I asked my mother-in-law, aka Saint Janis, to bring a little something to put on the door. I just wanted something that said, "Alexandria" on it so visitors would know it was her room. My wonderful mother in law went above and beyond, as she always does, and made this sign. We are blessed to have such amazing parents!

Closing a Chapter...

2011-01-12T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking all morning about doing this blog post. I have always valued reflection. I think it's important to look at the past to see how far we've come. We are on the brink of closing a major chapter in our lives. Ava will not be our only child anymore. For 3 1/2 years, she's been what our world has revolved around, and now she will be sharing us with Baby Alex. I am excited and starting to feel anxious. I have cried off and on all morning thinking about how much I love Ava and how proud of her I am. She wears us out like crazy, but the love we have for her is like nothing I can even describe! How are we going to love another child this much?! I am getting nervous about that, but I know that God will give us the love we need for this new child.

We are closing a chapter and opening a new one soon...here's how this chapter of Ava's life began:

The kitty, lovey that Ava has with her name on it was given to her in the hospital by The Pullen family from our church. She loves this kitty and sleeps with her every night! I can't believe how brand new kitty looks in these pictures! The pink "blankie" was given to her by her "Auntie Lori" and she also sleeps every night with that! Ava was a wonderful newborn. She slept well, and ate well (after the first, stressful week home). She started sleeping 5-7 hours when she was 5 weeks old. It was great! She was such a blessing to our home.

Ava grew to be a BIG baby! People always thought she was older than she was because of her size. She was a chunky baby, and we loved it! She was very healthy and we were so proud to show her off! Here is Ava at 6 months old at Christmas time, with her BCF (best cousin forever), Alana! Look how little Alana looks! She's 2 here.

Once Ava turned a year old we started really seeing her personality! She loved to play, laugh, and smile with people. She was very social with people whether she knew them or not. That really made us laugh. Here she is in Michigan at a year old. She loved to swing then and still would rather swing than play on a playground even now! At one and half, it was Christmas time. She loved her kitty and added Elmo (after we took her passy away!).

Ava was in her first wedding, my best friend, Lindi's when she was almost 2. She was beautiful! She loved wearing the dress, the wings, and walking down the aisle. She did really well walking down, but once she was down the aisle, she was a loose canon. My mom took her during the wedding because I was the matron of honor and couldn't leave.

Ava was a spunky 2 year old! She soon taught us that things should be "her" way, not "our" way. We learned how truly strong-willed she was during her 2nd year.

Here is Ava and Daddy at Christmas. Ava was 2.5 years old. She was in the Christmas program at church that year and stole the show! She was very animated and loved being the center of attention.

Ava and Daddy dug a huge hole in the sand this summer at Hilton Head. It was our first (and probably only) trip with just the 3 of us. I was pregnant and feeling sick, but Ava had a blast. It was fun watching the joy on her face at digging in the sand and playing in the water!

Ava is 3 now and just beautiful (I must say!). She makes me laugh harder than anyone else, and sometimes she makes me want to pull my hair out more than anyone else. She pushes buttons that I never thought I had, but I love this girl so much! Ava is thrilled at becoming a big sister. It will be a new adventure for all of us. All we can do now is pray for strength and guidance during this new chapter we are all about to embark on.

I love you, Ava Grace Morel!

Red Robin fiasco!

2011-01-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went to see "Yogi Bear" with Ava. We are trying to have some special "Ava" time before Alexandria is here. Our families joined us for the movie, including Alana (Ava's sweet cousin!), my dad, and my father and mother in law. It was fun! Ava loved the movie and ate a ton of popcorn, like me. I just can't get enough of movie popcorn.

After the movie, we all went to Red Robin where John, Janna, and baby James met us. We had a great dinner. The big Red Robin came out to greet us and Ava was extremely excited! Alana was a little freaked out as some children are of big characters. We enjoyed the wonderful campfire sauce with our fries and good company. At the end of the meal, our sweet servers and the manager brought me and dessert and present for my upcoming arrival. It was so nice of them! I haven't had a lot of "special" things for this baby, so it made me feel really happy for me and for Alexandria. I got a huge piece of icecream cake, which I shared with Alana and Ava and others at the table.

The whole night was wonderful until we walked outside...

Alana walked down the sidewalk away from Ava and turned around to realize she hadn't said good bye. Very similiar to a slow motion scene in a movie, Ava and Alana ran to each other with arms wide open to say good bye to each other. (we all find this so sweet, but now we will be more careful) With the heavy winter coats the girls had on and with the strong force, they hugged hard and fell hard to the ground. They both hit their heads very hard on the concrete! They were screaming crying after that. We got Ava in the car and tried calming her down, while John and Janna got Alana in the car and took her and James home. When we got Ava in the car, she couldn't calm down, she was literally hysterically crying and got so worked up, she threw up all the chocolate icecream she had just eaten.

My mother in law ran in the restaurant to get towels and I tried helping Paul clean Ava up with baby wipes. (BAD IDEA!)

I got one smell of the throw up and lost it!!! I started to dry heave thinking that's all it would be. Well, let me just be honest...I ate too much popcorn at the movies, fries, and then the dessert. It all came up. I threw up so much right in front of Red Robin. My father in law helped me to the side of the restaurant so I wouldn't be seen by customers as much. I continued to throw up non-stop. Then, my dad came over and rubbed my back and asked if I was ok. I was laughing the whole time because of the craziness of the evening! It was like a scene from a movie! My dad and father in law weren't sure what to do about me, but I think they felt better when I started laughing. I haven't thrown up that much in over a year when I had a stomach bug.

The evening was really great until the craziness in the Red Robin parking lot!

The Joys of the last month of pregnancy...

2011-01-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

So, I don't want to complain...but I have about 2 1/2 weeks until my c-section and I am miserable. My back is killing me after working all day and my feet are so swollen. My 90 year old grandmother's (grandma stigall) feet resemble my own right now. Paul even said last night that I should get compression socks. ( I was/am making fun of myself, so it's ok for other's to do the same right now.) I'm not very sensitive about my swelling now, because I think it's just par for the course. I was very swollen at the end with Ava, too.

Here's proof:

Yes, I am being very candid here, and it must be part of my pregnancy to just be vunerable and say crazy things, but my feet are like elephant feet and I can't wait until I can see the bones and veins in my feet again! It will be a happy day!

Ava even notices my differences...she asked me the other day, "Why do your legs have fur on them?" It's the funniest, but most embarrassing she's ever said to me. I realized when she said it that it had been a long while since my legs had seen a razor...I better get to that before Alexandria comes...

Ava is getting so excited about having a sister. She talks about her all the time! I think she'll be a great help. Here's one of our angels, and soon we'll have two!

I am nervous about the transition that this is going to be for our family, but I know we will be strong and trust in our God to help us through. I worry about Ava's behavior and wonder if a new baby will help or hurt Ava's behavior. Either way, I know God is preparing us now and will guide us through whatever comes our way.

A Rough End to 2010...

2011-01-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a couple months. As many of you know, we have had a rough November and December. Not just Paul, Ava, and I, but all of our extended families have gone through the roughest time we've ever been through. It's weird because when you hear about something tragic that happens, you always think it will happen to another person or another family. When it hits close to home...it's surreal. It feels like there is no way it could have ever happened.
This fall both Paul and I lost our maternal grandfathers at 89 years old and then we lost our newphew, Thomas (3 months old) only 3 weeks ago.
I have never experienced the loss of a child and have never known anyone very well who has experienced that loss. To experience this terrible loss has been devastating to our family. It feels like something is missing every time we are all together. James is the twin who is doing very well and growing, smiling, and giggling now. It's hard not to think about his brother when I hold him or am around him and watch him. I feel a deep pang of sadness. I know that time will make things a little less painful, but it will take a while for all of us to feel that. I feel sadness for my brother and sister in law who experience this deep grieve on a level I will never understand. All I can say to them is that I love them and am praying for them. I have watched and admired their faith, and I have been blessed by it. I have learned to not let the small things stress me out lately. I'm just thankful for my family. I am thankful daily for Ava, even when she wears me out. I am extremely thankful that Alexandria has been growing well and is safe and cozy in my womb for another 3 weeks. God is good, and has provided and protected for us. We are continuing to trust Him, even when it's not easy. I will never understand how this tragic experience has happened to us, but it's not my place to understand it. I am just trying daily to be thankful for God's many blessings on our family.

My Little Pumpkin

2010-10-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ava is starting to understand the world around her...here are some interesting things she's been saying lately, in random order!

-Apple of my eye...I have an apple when I pick up Ava some days after school. She usually asks me if I have one for her now, which is really cute in itself. But the other day, I told her she could have one and told her she was the "apple of my eye". That really freaked her out! She said, "NO, Mommy, I don't want an apple in your eye!"

-Ava has wanted to be so many things for Halloween such as a lion, cat, and a princess. Within the past week she has been telling people she will a Kangaroo for Halloween. I told her "no" because we aren't going to buy a costume. So as she says with everything now: "Can Santa bring me a costume?" She is already excited about Santa bringing her gifts, so she expects him to bring her everything!

-Ava is a minority in her class and has been noticing colors of people lately. So recently she says, "My baby is going to be "brown", I will be "brown" when I grow up."

Her new favorite phrase now..."I need to talk to you" or "I need to tell you something!"

-Recently we went to Audrey Meguiars birthday and we got her tinker bell shoes so now, of course, Ava wants tinker bell shoes! Well, we keep saying that Santa will bring her the things she wants and after Santa comes, then Baby Alexandria will come! So, she started saying: "Santa will bring my tinkerbell shoes and then the doctor will come and cut my baby out with scissors!" Well, one night she is telling this to her dear cousin, Alana, who's 5, and Alana says, "No, Ava, she'll be cut out with a big knife!"

-Today, Ava tried to wear some weird shoes out of the house and said, "I need to wear them because they are so cute and precious!"

Needless to say, our little girl is cracking us up daily!!!

catch up!

2010-10-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged since January!!! SO, here's me catching up quickly...

BIG SNOW in January! We were trapped and didn't have school for days! It was great, but keeping Ava entertained was rough!

For the second time, I sent in my National Board Portfolio! I find out at the end of November if I got it!

Then I went to Idaho all by myself to visit my mom. It was the most impacting trip of my life. I learned so much about myself while there and gained great perspective! I even skiied and had a blast!

We had a huge flood in Nashville and we were trapped for a few days in our neighborhood. It rained and rained for two-three days straight. Again...keeping Ava entertained was rough...but she is so cute, isn't she?!
We went to Hilton Head as a family of 3 for the first time. We had a great time, although I was sick a lot because of the new addtion that will be coming soon-ALEXANDRIA FAITH!!

Ava, my dad, and I went to Michigan to visit family and hang out at the lake! We had a blast on the boat, swimming, and I loved just laying around while Aunt Laurie played all day with Ava! I love this picture because it shows one of Ava's favorite things to play now...putting her animals down for "nap".

Ava did a swim class this summer and this fall has started dance!

Ava rides her first horse at a fall festival that we went to a few weeks ago.

I want to start documenting funny Ava-isms now, so I knew it was important for me to catch this up! Thanks for reading it!

Christmas and 2010

2010-01-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

We had a really nice Christmas this year...I have a ton of pictures, but I have "snapfish"ed all of them yet, so I only had a few to choose from. (I'm on my school computer, so I don't have all our family pics)

So, here are a few from our "Morel Family Christmas" with Paul's family. It was really nice and naturally, Ava and Alana had a great time together!

Grandpa and Mamaw got Ava her first car!!

This is Ava and Alana snuggling under Ava's "blankie". She has been sleeping with this and "kitty" since the first few weeks she was born. "Blankie" is from her Auntie Lori.

Janna and I got some awesome matching pj's. They were hotter than fire, though!! We thought we'd be funny and take pictures!

So, we had a great holiday season, but I'm not going to lie here in the blog world...it was a hard one for me. I don't know why it was harder than last year, but it was. Maybe it's because this was the first "official" Christmas with my parents divorced...I don't know why, but that made it harder for me. I cried a lot and mourned the loss of my childhood family. God is working on me, though...I am learning everyday about His neverending Love and GRACE! I am so thankful that God still loves me, even when I feel very mad at Him sometimes!

~2010~

So I graduated from high school 10 years ago!!! That is so crazy! I am working on ways to get out of my "phunk" of being sad about my family, so I have decided to live a little differently in the next decade...

My hope for the next decade is this...

To enjoy the little things, eat healthier, simplify!!, laugh more, love more, hope more, and have faith that God will take care of the big AND the little things!

Fall 2009

2010-01-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while, so I thought I'd share a few pictures and information from our past few months.

Fall: We had a great Fall! I started going to a nutritionist and planning meals and preparing food took up most of my time! I also starting selling Premier Designs Jewelry and had a busy fall season with many jewelry shows. They were a lot of fun. I'm really enjoying having a part-time that gives me a little girl time and helps me meet new people. I really get my energy from being with people, so it has been perfect for me!

Here a few pictures from various events in Fall 2009...

We went to Etowah with Paul's family for the weekend and saw many cousins! It was really fun. The girls that are 2nd or maybe 3rd cousins (not sure how that works!) played so much together. They even took a trip to the mayfield icecream plant!

Ava and Alana (John and Janna's daughter) always have a great time together! This is them at a a fall festival in Nashville with matching ladybugs painted on their faces!

Ava still loves Elmo, and is painting a picture here! She really loves to color and paint now.

We also had/have MANY fires during the cold nights. I am a fire addict and Paul is awesome because he makes fires about 3-4 times a week. We really enjoy it. Here's a funny picture of me with our first fire of the season!

The First Day Jitters!

2009-08-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

So, in 3rd grade at the beginning of year in our Reading textbook called, "The First Day Jitters." It is about a person who will not get out of bed on the first day of school. This person refuses and comes up with every excuse not to get out of bed on the first day. Well, at the end of the book, it turns out that the person is actually a teacher! This shocks the kids so much in my class. They can't believe a teacher wouldn't want to get out of bed. Well, I was that teacher today...

I didn't want to wake up at 5:30 a.m., but I rolled out of bed anyway. I got ready, left the house around 6:40, and on the way to school I was thinking about how I wasn't ready to go back to work yet. It's weird because all summer I actually missed work. I missed getting "ready" every day, my morning coffee at 6:30 a.m., and having a plan for the day. I was anxious to come back to work because I needed adult time again, and I felt like I would be a better mommy if I wasn't with Ava all day. Well, this week has been long and busy for me! I have missed Ava so much and today I just didn't want to meet my kids yet. I thought I would feel excited and great about a new class, but I found myself missing my last year's class.=(

Needless to say, I have a great class this year! I have a few that are already on my nerves, but most of them are very good kids! They are cute as can be and want to hug me all the time. Third graders are so different than fourth and fifth graders...I love it!

My biggest challenge it seems with be with a student who has Mitochrondrial Disease. I have an assistant with him who is great, but he is challenging. He is mentally retarded and has tendency of autism. He made clacking noises and shouted out some this morning, but he didn't do it for long periods of time. He will usually only spend an hour in my classroom, but today he was here the whole time. He did better than we thought. Mrs. Wilkerson, my assistant, is amazing. When she wasn't tending to him, she was working on everything else. She passed out papers, organized my supplies, and ran errands for me. I am so thankful for her!

That's all for now, I better get my desk organized now!

Updates on Ava=)

2009-08-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Ava and her friend, Judson at church. They are so cute together! They share food, share toys, and even try and go potty together! It's really fun watching them interact. Amanda, Judson's mommy, always takes great pictures of them on Sundays. Here's just a few she took.

Ava is growing up so fast! This summer, she learned to use the potty! She is doing great with telling us and going. She still has accidents every now and then if she is really invovled in playing or in something she's watching on T.V. Last night Paul was reading her a book around 8:00p.m. right before she took a bath and while they are sitting there, she just peed on him! He was so upset, but he stayed calm and ran up stairs to get her some clean panties. Of course, she wanted "the Elmo ones" like always.

She has learned most of her colors and even counted 1-13 the other day pointing at people in a book she likes. It was really precious! She also likes reading this "little" book that I used to have in my room, it's a quote book about love, and she calls it her Bible. She was looking at it the other day and said "God's Word" and I said, "Ava what is 'God's word'?" and she said, "The Bible." I just stood there with my mouth open! I couldn't believe she said that. Her new school Lighthouse Christian is very serious when it comes to the Bible and scriptures. I thought that was really neat!

Lindi's wedding!

2009-06-28T18:47:00.001-07:00

Ok, so most of you know that Ava was the flower girl in my best friend, Lindi's wedding, and I was the matron of honor. It was in Kansas City. I flew up the Wednesday before the wedding to help Lindi and her mom with wedding stuff. It was fun, but stressful. I am SO glad I never have to be a bride again! I loved my wedding, but I was stressed! So, Wednesday night we hung out at an awesome restaurant called "Blue Koi" in Kansas City. We got China Moon to eat, of course, because it's the best thing on the menu. Then we went over to on of the other Bride's maid's houses to learn the "lip sync" for the wedding. Now, I have never, ever heard of doing this, but aparently it's the new thing to do at weddings...Lindi sings a song to Nate while we dance behind her. Then Nate sings a song to Lindi while the groom's men dance behind it. It was fun learning it that night, but all of us bride's maids were nervous. (it actually turned out really cute, though). Well, Thursday night was Lindi's Bachalorette Party. We ate at Elephant Bar and then went to sing some kareoke! It was so fun!!! The next day we did wedding stuff, had the rehearsal (which I cried during), then the rehersal dinner. I gave a speech at the rehearsal dinner, which was awesome if you don't mind me bragging. I even got people to laugh because I was witty. I'm usually goofy, but I made some witty comments. It was great!! (paul taped it if you ever want to see it!) THen the day of the wedding went very smoothly. Ava walked down the aisle and my mom got her at the end of the aisle since she wouldn't stand still. Lindi was a dashing bride, of course. I cried the whole wedding, but they were tears of joy, don't worry! There was one really funny thing that happened during the wedding-Lindi and Nate couldn't get the unity candle lit. They tried and tried, but couldn't get it, so they just left it.

The dinner after was great and the dancing was a blast! Ava took the dance floor like a super star, everyone loved watching her steal the show!

All in all, it was a great time! Lindi is a very dear friend to me. I never had a sister, but she was like my sister. I have known her since I was four and we share a very special bond. Her getting married felt like my sister was growing up. It was a big deal for me! I am so incredibly happy for Lindi and Nate!!

The Bach. Party....

Rehearsal...Ava and the ring bearer, Joel...

The wedding dance and the lip sync...

Prepare yourself for more post soon...=)

Update

2009-05-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to update my "subscribers" that I lost two lbs. this week even with all the events we had over the weekend! I am so proud of ME!!=)

Here's also a super cute picture from my friend Amanda (Judson's mom) from Sunday School. Ava gets really sleepy on Sunday mornings and always wants a "blankie" to hold.

Lose the weight Part II

2009-04-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

So, I am not losing weight....why? Because I like to eat. I mostly like to eat sweet things like cookies, icecream, and any other form of chocolate. I also like to sit and read or watch T.V. when all my daily chores are finished. I get Ava to bed, finish the dishes, and then veg-out!

I am commiting to losing weight now...I walked yesterday for 30 min. and plan to do it again today. Here is my new theory on why I'm not losing weight....and this has been confirmed by a few of my close friends...I am dealing really well with certain things in my life such as being a good mom and wife, my family situation with my parents, and my new love of couponing. I am doing really well in those areas which has been very difficult as many of you know! I am saving so much money with couponing now and am really proud of myself. So, losing weight has taken the back burner...

So, that is my theory, but it is not going to stop me. I am going to fight my weight and let all my anger turn into good calorie burn! I'm probably crazy for blogging this, but I have been super depressed this week over all of the above, and my lack of weight loss has made me feel even worse. So, I thought this blog might just help to encourage me a little bit!

Most of you know I love cats, and this picture was too funny not to post with this blog. It goes along with how I feel!

Have you read this yet?!? You need to!!!

2009-04-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

So, I just wanted to give a shout out to my new favorite series. First of all, if you haven't read the Twilight series, you are missing out! I thought I wouldn't like it because it's all about "vampires" but it's so much more than that. The focus is on Bella and Edward and their strong connection to each other. It is really well written, easy to read, and really entertaining. I highly recommend it! I really love Harry Potter, as many of you know, but this reading is a little more mature and I think I actually enjoyed it more. I can't believe I'm saying that because I feel like I'm cheating on Harry with Edward, but I've got to be honest.

I'm now reading another pretty good book called In The Woods. It was recommended to me by my friend, Julia. It is really great, too, but I miss reading the Twilight series.

The answers!

2009-04-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Just so you know....none of you are smarter than a 3rd grader! None of you got a 100%!!! Here are the real answers:
1. declarative, interrogative, imperative, and exclamatory
2. articles in speech are "a,an, and the"
3. stratus, cumulus, altostratus, and cirrus
4. sedimentary (formed by rivers), metamorphic (formed by heat or other variables), igneous (formed by volcanoes)
5. Photosynthesis-good job Brigid, I'm impressed!
6. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto( scientist are still 50/50 on this topic, it is being debated, we still have to teach it!)

Good try people, but I want to know-how do you feel a/b the fact that 8 yr. olds are required to learn this stuff?

TCAP review week

2009-04-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of reviewing for TCAP that I decided to post again! So, I have some major concepts I've been reviewing this week and I was just wondering if any of you can answer these questions. I mean, for some reason it is really important for 8 and 9 year old to know the answers to these....so let's see if adults know the answers...

1. What are the four types of sentences?

2. What is an article in speech?

3. What are the four types of clouds and what kind of weather will you see with each type?

4. What are the 3 main types of rocks and how are each formed?

5. What is the process called where plants make their own food?

6. What are all nine planets starting with the closest to the sun?

Now, if 8 and 9 year olds are suppose to know this, you need to know this! Can you answer these?

**Ok, so I've posted three on the blog this week, does this make up for me not blogging for almost a year?

Lose the weight

2009-04-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

I'm at work and already itching to write a new post...this is pretty addicting I must say...
So, I am dying here....I woke up this morning and could barely zip up one of my favorite pairs of work pants. These pants use to be loss on me! So, I got to work and while drinking my coffee, all I could think about was eating cookies. See, when I feel fat, I eat. Isn't it weird that it doesn't motivate me when I feel fat, instead I just eat. So, I decided to join back on weight watchers online. My goal since Jan. has been to lose weight for my best friend, Lindi's, wedding. Now I am realizing how very close May 30th is, so I am going to get serious!
Today I have eaten really well so far. The hardest thing for me is the sweets that people bring into work. I eat like a pig here because people are always baking sweets! So, I have said no to everything today and have just eaten healthy.
I am going to workout today at Urban Active where I have a membership (which hasn't been used much). Wish me luck and I will update you on my progress. I hope this will motivate me!!!!

Ok, ok already...

2009-04-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

Here is my first post in close to a year. Another hard year to get through, but not near as hard as last year! Janna, my favorite sister-in-law, (and my only one) will be so proud that I am finally back into the blog world! So...here we go...Ava is doing really well. She is talking like crazy, she has hair, and she can brush her own teeth! It is amazing to watch her grow! Here are a few pictures of Ava from Christmas! She is so silly!

This is Ava with her two favorite things in the whole world...Elmo and "Kitty"!

This is from the snow we had in December!This is a picture of one of Ava's favorite gifts from Christmas from Ben and Jeana! This next picture is of Ava and Paul making cookies at Christmas.

I also thought I should add a new picture of our first baby, Mei Mei...this year she was the keeper of the Christmas Village in our house. Here's the proof...

What a year!!

2008-07-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

Well, as many of you know, Ava turned 1 on Sunday!! I can't believe I am a mother of a one year old. How did she grow up so fast? The past week has been a major reflection time for me. I have gone through a very painful time this year, as many of you are aware of, due to my family situation with my parents. I can never explain or try to define my exact feelings that I have gone through, but I can say that I have never been in a deeper valley than I have been in this year. I have truly lost a piece of myself this year. I have turned my back on God completely to where I have no desire to pray or attend church. I have continued to attend church, of course, but never really allowed the Holy Spirit to work on my life. I just felt like God was gone. It felt like he left me for a while.
The past month has been a time of deep self reflection for me. I read two amazing books, The Shack and Redeeming Love. I think God used those books to bring me back to Him. What I realize, through my reflection, is that God has been by me the whole year. He blessed me with the most beautiful baby girl in the world. I remember the first time Ava made eye contact with me one night in the hospital. She was about a day old. Paul was sleeping and the nurse brought her in to nurse. She didn't want to eat, but she wanted to just stare at my face. I cried my eyes out and remember specially thinking, "God gave this amazing gift to me." I remember praying that I would always strive to be the mother that she needed and that God would give me strength to be her mother even in the most difficult circumstances that life may bring. I had no idea at that moment what God was preparing me for.
I look back now and see that God was always there with me. He showed Himself to me in Ava's smiles and giggles, in Paul's warm hugs when I was sobbing many nights and had to get up for work the next day, in my many friends that give me words of encouragement and smiles. God was there, walking beside me and holding my hand when I couldn't stand up on my own. He gave me strength to teach some days when I didn't feel like waking up and living in the morning. He used me to reach out to kids, even when I was going through an extremely difficult time. What I am learning now, is that through everything I've been through, God was always with me AND still had a purpose for me. My purpose now is to be a Godly wife and mother to my family. God has blessed me with a husband whose faith is greater than mine. I am thankful that God has used Paul to bring me comfort and security when I didn't feel like I had any.
Lately, I have been telling people that God knew I couldn't handle having a hard baby to take care of. He knew I needed a baby that would make me laugh so hard I cry, and a baby who brought me the greatest joy just looking into her face. If I had a rough baby this year, I might be in a mental hospital, I say that jokingly, but it is very true!!
My point of this is that the Bible talks about how even in the most difficult circumstances of life, God is there to guide us. I didn't believe that for a long time, but I do now. I also have realize that God did not cause any of this to happen, but He has used it to bring me close to Him and His will.
Thank you everyone who has been on their knees for me and my family this year. God is always good to us. I am so thankful for each of you in my life.
~Brooke~

Super Bowl night and Ava playing!

2008-02-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

On Super Bowl Night we went to our friends, Amanda and Shane's, house. They have Judson who is 11 months. Elicia has Tristan who is 6 months. It was so much fun! The kids played with all of Judson's toys. They had a great time!

Here we are with our babies. Last year at the Super Bowl Party we were all pregnant together. Here is a picture of that:

Here is Ava in a few cute pictures. She loves to sit up and play with toys now!

These are her maracas that she loves!

Ava is already 7 months!

2008-02-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Hi, everyone! We are so excited to be starting a blog for our family. Ava is growing so fast and I thought this would be a fun way to keep everyone updated on our lives. Paul has just gotten a promotion and work and is still trying to learn the ropes of the new job. It is pretty intense!

I went back to work in October and thought I was going to die, but I adjusted to it finally. I love my class. They are very hardworking and we love to joke around together. I am still teaching 4th grade, which I'm pretty sure is the best grade to teach! I can't see myself leaving this grade for a while. They are so fun to teach!

Ava had a horrible double ear-infection this past week. The antibiotics are finally kicking in. I think she is also getting her top two teeth, but we'll see...

She is the greatest joy of my life! She loves to giggle and smile and talk to us. (some times her talking sounds like screaming. I think she just loves to hear what her vocal chords can do!)

We are so blessed. I think everyday about what a wonderful blessing she is. We know that raising a child is a huge responsibility that God has given us, and we are so thankful to be apart of raising this child of God.

This is Ava after church one Sunday.

Ava loves eating peaches! This is my mom, Ava will call her Mimi, feeding her

Alana is our neice, and her and Ava are two peas in a pod! They just love playing with each other already!